Editor’s note: I apologize for the lack of villainous posts lately. Since the unfortunate demise of the previous Evil Instructor, the AUV’s been in rather a tizzy. Rumors of treachery and betrayal are never far absent in a place where Treachery and Betrayal are degree programs. I’ve had to lay low for a while… and by low, think subterranean. But now, at long last, I’m pleased to present to you, the next lecture from the AUV – Heroic Propaganda.
Today, little villains, we shall be discussing heroic propaganda. There are several dastardly lies which the heroes, aided by their author friends, endeavor to broadcast as truth. But the worst, the deadliest, the most dastardly of all is the idea that the villain is doomed to failure.
Good triumphs over evil. The dawn comes after the darkest hour of the night. Blah, blah, blah.
Such sentiments pop up everywhere. The previous Evil Instructor of this Academy, as you well know, was sent to the dragon for expressing just such an opinion. It’s dangerous. Don’t let it get you discouraged. Don’t even think it.
Heroic propaganda is a two pronged weapon against honest villains.
The first prong is that of psychological warfare. The heroes seek to demoralize us by promoting belief in heroic invincibility and villainous stupidity. If they can make us believe that we are doomed to failure, we will fail. If they can make us believe that our death is certain, we will die. It’s as simple as that. Don’t fall for it for a moment.
Now, I majored in Villainy not Statistics, but statistically speaking, just because the vast number of reported cases end with the victor’s crown going to the hero, does not mean that there are not an equal (if not larger) number of “unreported” cases in which the villain triumphs! The annals of villainy are filled with tales of conquest! As I’ve said before, authors, the media, and humanity in general, are all on the hero’s side. Of course they’re going to report the victories and bury the losses.
The hero wins. The villain dies. The hero gets the girl.
Only stupid villains die. The real villains, the truly bad ones, well, ours are the tales you won’t see showing up on the children’s book store shelves. Because we win. Though I will admit that the hero often ends up with the lady love. But what do we care? The sort of girl who would chase after a hero certainly isn’t worthy of a first class villain.
That’s why you’re here. To become a first class villain. You are the villains of tomorrow. We at the AUV are determined that the name of Villainy should carry on to perpetuity untarnished. That is why you study, to become the absolute worst villains you can be.
Now, moving on.
The second prong of heroic propaganda is far more potent than the first. Rather than just seeking to inspire fear of inescapable doom in us, heroic propaganda seeks to plant within the hearts of the heroes, an unquenchable spark of hope.
Hope. It’s elusive. Tiny. So small it seems you could crush it with one finger, so frail, it looks as though a puff could blow it out.
But hope is resilient, like adamant. It lives on when all else has perished.
The hero may stand on the verge of utter destruction, his world crumbling beneath his feet, weapons shattered, defenses gone, helpless against the coming storm. And still, flickering within his chest, that tiny spark of hope endures. He thinks that somehow, someway, something good will rise from the ruin and defeat evil yet again.
And yet, if you can quench that spark of hope, the hero becomes as helpless and supple as putty in your hands. Despair. The great slayer of hope.
But, you ask, is not despair also a great motivator? Might despair not spur the hero on to equally heroic and horrific deeds? Yes. But despair we can manipulate to our own ends. Despair we can use to destroy. Hope is unreachable.
Your job as a top villain, is to slay hope. Spread the seeds of despair, stamp out the sparks of hope, and prove once and for all, that victory goes to him who earns it. A villain as well as a hero may earn the victor’s laurels.
Editor’s note: As dangerous as it is, I wouldn’t trade this job for the world! Be on the lookout for further posts from the AUV. Be assured that I will send them in as often as I safely can. Er… excuse me. The alarm’s going off again. That must mean they’ve discovered some trace that I’ve been around. I do my best, but trying to write on the run is rather difficult! :) Signing off!