Editor’s Note: At long last, we have received word from our spy at the Academy of Ultimate Villainy! This recording showed up in my mailbox this morning. Unfortunately, I’m afraid it’s not exactly the good news we’ve all been waiting to hear…
DR. SYLVIA SINESTRA: Today, we are discussing the most important thing you will learn while attending this Academy: How to Trap a Hero. There are many differing schools of thought upon this subject, but there is one rule upon which all the experts agree: The number one rule of hero trapping is to offer the hero something he cannot resist.
Every hero has a weak spot. Once you find out what that weak spot is, you can prey upon it, offer him the thing he most desires, and then snatch it from his grasp at the last moment and leave him in utter despair.
Obviously, depending upon the hero, this may take different forms. But there are three main types of heroes, and three tried and true methods of luring each sort of hero into a trap.
The Romantic Hero
This hero is dashing, passionate about whatever he has set his mind upon. To trap this hero, a Super-Villain cannot do better than to kidnap the hero’s girlfriend. Admittedly, this method has been employed so often as to become somewhat of a cliché, but if it works (and it assuredly does!) then why not use it?
The Idealistic Hero
This hero is the worst sort of hero there is. The hero who simply won’t give up, but will fight until the death, driven by belief in his/her mission. There are ways to exploit this hero’s weakness, however. Such a hero is inherently principled and self-sacrificial, and the capture of a score of hostages often proves sufficient to ensure this hero’s downfall. Grab copious amounts of innocent bystanders and force the hero into an exchange. Without fail, this sort of hero will offer his/her life for the release of the hostages.
The Clever Hero
And at last, we come to the intellectual, so-called brilliant hero driven by a need to display his or her cleverness to the world. With this hero, bait your trap with the promise of information. The number one rule when trapping the clever hero, is to make the hero believe they are trapping you or tricking you into giving something away. Make them comfortable, lull them into complacency, into thinking they control the situation. Then . . . you pounce …
Editor’s Note: I find this whole affair disturbing. How our spy could have been so careless as to have fallen into such an obvious trap escapes my comprehension! Given the recent lapse in communication, there is no way to know when this recording took place, how long the spy has been trapped in the dungeons, or even if the spy is still alive. I shall continue to work with my contacts in the hopes of discovering further information.