Editor’s Note: Once again, I returned from lunch to find a tape from the Academy of Ultimate Villainy on my desk. I can’t imagine how the Spy gets it here, unless he delivers it by hand, for it obviously does not come through the mail. I’m half tempted to set watch next time and see if I can discover the identity of our mysterious “friend.”
Click on the video to hear Dr. Sylvia Sinestra discuss Minions and Expendable Crewmen, or scroll down to read the transcript.
Previous Villainy 101 Posts:
Transcript:
Spy: Howdy. Did y’all miss me? Come on, you know you did.
Sorry I’m a few days late, but things are really heating up here, and I wasn’t
able to send this message until now. Anyway, I snuck back into Dr. Sinestra’s
class (I’ve attended a few of the other classes here and there—nearly got blown
up in the Mad Science Lab—but overall, I’ve found Dr. Sinestra offers the most
useful information.)
Sorry I’m a few days late, but things are really heating up here, and I wasn’t
able to send this message until now. Anyway, I snuck back into Dr. Sinestra’s
class (I’ve attended a few of the other classes here and there—nearly got blown
up in the Mad Science Lab—but overall, I’ve found Dr. Sinestra offers the most
useful information.)
So, grab your pencils and paper, and settle down like good
little students for the lecture.
little students for the lecture.
Dr. Sinestra: We are in the middle of our series
on the sub-villain world, the underlings that we utilize as pawns in our great
chess game against our ancient adversaries–the heroes.
on the sub-villain world, the underlings that we utilize as pawns in our great
chess game against our ancient adversaries–the heroes.
Last week, we discussed the proper method for hiring evil
henchmen. Today, we shall turn our attention from the brutes, to the brains and
bodies of our operations—minions and expendable crewmen.
henchmen. Today, we shall turn our attention from the brutes, to the brains and
bodies of our operations—minions and expendable crewmen.
Minions fall under the “brains” class. Obviously, we as Super-Villains
are the Master Minds, but it can be supremely helpful to have other lesser minds
around to accomplish the more menial mental tasks.
are the Master Minds, but it can be supremely helpful to have other lesser minds
around to accomplish the more menial mental tasks.
Minions provide us with information. And in a battle of
wits, such as we wage against the heroes, the opponent with the most
information wins.
wits, such as we wage against the heroes, the opponent with the most
information wins.
There are many types of minions, including, but not limited
to:
to:
- Spies and double agents—those who actively seek information
about our enemies, and believe me, we have plenty of those. - Artificial intelligence—robotic minions who analyze,
process, and store information. - Specialists who provide expert information upon a certain
subject. This includes our weapons masters, scientists, doctors, etc.
Minions are our eyes and ears throughout the world.
The third and final sub-villain class is that of the expendable crewmen. These are the bodies of the
operation.
operation.
They’re the cheapest sort of underlings you can hire because
they have no skills to market. They are average, somewhat lacking in the brains
department, too greedy for their own good, and often, possessing the combat skills
of a patch of wet mud. You get my meaning, I’m sure—if a hero happens to run
into one, he might just slip and break his ankle, but the expendable crewman is
far more likely to be smeared across the kitchen floor.
they have no skills to market. They are average, somewhat lacking in the brains
department, too greedy for their own good, and often, possessing the combat skills
of a patch of wet mud. You get my meaning, I’m sure—if a hero happens to run
into one, he might just slip and break his ankle, but the expendable crewman is
far more likely to be smeared across the kitchen floor.
So why hire them?
Because in every great undertaking, there are bound to be
casualties. It’s unavoidable. And rather than wasting expensive evil henchmen
or valuable minions, we hire expendable crewmen to fill this position, because
they are just that—expendable. And though they are expendable individually, as
a class they are indispensable to our operations.
casualties. It’s unavoidable. And rather than wasting expensive evil henchmen
or valuable minions, we hire expendable crewmen to fill this position, because
they are just that—expendable. And though they are expendable individually, as
a class they are indispensable to our operations.
In review, the three classes of underlings are evil
henchmen, minions, and expendable crewmen.
henchmen, minions, and expendable crewmen.
Now at this point, a question usually arises: Which class is
the most useful to a Super-Villain who is just starting out with limited
resources?
the most useful to a Super-Villain who is just starting out with limited
resources?
This question is difficult to answer. Each class plays a
necessary and distinct role. It comes down to the sort of operation that you
are planning and the specific needs of the expedition.
necessary and distinct role. It comes down to the sort of operation that you
are planning and the specific needs of the expedition.
For example, if a Super-Villain is planning a daring heist,
it’s more profitable to invest in hiring larger numbers of minions and evil
henchmen, and fewer expendable crewmen, since such an expedition requires more
knowledge and muscle than casualties.
it’s more profitable to invest in hiring larger numbers of minions and evil
henchmen, and fewer expendable crewmen, since such an expedition requires more
knowledge and muscle than casualties.
Whereas if a Super-Villain is raising an army, he would
hire an overabundance of expendable crewmen and reserve a smaller portion of
evil henchmen and minions to act as personal aids, body guards, and officers.
hire an overabundance of expendable crewmen and reserve a smaller portion of
evil henchmen and minions to act as personal aids, body guards, and officers.
So as you attempt to hire underlings, keep in mind the sorts
of operations you are planning and hire the proper sub-villains to enable you
to accomplish your dastardly mission.
of operations you are planning and hire the proper sub-villains to enable you
to accomplish your dastardly mission.
Our next lesson, little villains, will be the most important
lesson you will attend at this Academy. It will provide you with the necessary tools to capture and defeat those pesky little heroes once and for all. Because of its
sensitive nature and the fact that the Spy remains uncaught, we shall move our
class to an as of yet undisclosed location. We’ll let you know where to go when the time comes.
lesson you will attend at this Academy. It will provide you with the necessary tools to capture and defeat those pesky little heroes once and for all. Because of its
sensitive nature and the fact that the Spy remains uncaught, we shall move our
class to an as of yet undisclosed location. We’ll let you know where to go when the time comes.
Class dismissed.
Spy: Well, well, well . . . looks like we might be about to
hear something useful, folks. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure we get into that class.
These villains are fools if they think I won’t find out where it is. So, tune
in next time to hear the most important villainous lesson of all! This is your
spy at the Academy of Ultimate Villainy, signing off.
hear something useful, folks. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure we get into that class.
These villains are fools if they think I won’t find out where it is. So, tune
in next time to hear the most important villainous lesson of all! This is your
spy at the Academy of Ultimate Villainy, signing off.
* * * *
Any ideas as to what this “most important lesson” might be? Or any thoughts upon evil henchmen, minions, and expendable crewmen in general, and how you might utilize this information in writing and combating the world of Super-Villainy?
Note: Sound effects found through Freesound.org. Many thanks to redjim, cmusounddesign, dobroide, J. Zazvurek, and RHumphries for the use of their sound effects.
Hi! I am nominating you for the Liebster award…go to my blog: http://hbroadwayphann.blogspot.com/ on Saturday for the details and I will link back here to your blog!
Haha, oh my, your Spy is very talented indeed! He's certainly quicker on the uptake than most of the students.
I see my little stunt in Mad Science didn't quite work, though. Curses. I shall have to try something a little less risky next time.
Rest assured, we'll find your spy! One way or another.
Awesome post! Great read and listen. :D
Just reading through these posts, they're absolutely great!
I'm writing a book about an evil henchman