Editor’s Note: At long last, we have received word from our spy at the Academy of Ultimate Villainy! This recording showed up in my mailbox this morning. Unfortunately, I’m afraid it’s not exactly the good news we’ve all been waiting to hear…
TRANSCRIPT:
DR. SYLVIA SINESTRA: Today, we are discussing the most important thing you will learn while attending this Academy: How to Trap a Hero. There are many differing schools of thought upon this subject, but there is one rule upon which all the experts agree: The number one rule of hero trapping is to offer the hero something he cannot resist.
Every hero has a weak spot. Once you find out what that weak spot is, you can prey upon it, offer him the thing he most desires, and then snatch it from his grasp at the last moment and leave him in utter despair.
Obviously, depending upon the hero, this may take different forms. But there are three main types of heroes, and three tried and true methods of luring each sort of hero into a trap.
The Romantic Hero
This hero is dashing, passionate about whatever he has set his mind upon. To trap this hero, a Super-Villain cannot do better than to kidnap the hero’s girlfriend. Admittedly, this method has been employed so often as to become somewhat of a cliché, but if it works (and it assuredly does!) then why not use it?
The Idealistic Hero
This hero is the worst sort of hero there is. The hero who simply won’t give up, but will fight until the death, driven by belief in his/her mission. There are ways to exploit this hero’s weakness, however. Such a hero is inherently principled and self-sacrificial, and the capture of a score of hostages often proves sufficient to ensure this hero’s downfall. Grab copious amounts of innocent bystanders and force the hero into an exchange. Without fail, this sort of hero will offer his/her life for the release of the hostages.
The Clever Hero
And at last, we come to the intellectual, so-called brilliant hero driven by a need to display his or her cleverness to the world. With this hero, bait your trap with the promise of information. The number one rule when trapping the clever hero, is to make the hero believe they are trapping you or tricking you into giving something away. Make them comfortable, lull them into complacency, into thinking they control the situation. Then . . . you pounce …
Editor’s Note: I find this whole affair disturbing. How our spy could have been so careless as to have fallen into such an obvious trap escapes my comprehension! Given the recent lapse in communication, there is no way to know when this recording took place, how long the spy has been trapped in the dungeons, or even if the spy is still alive. I shall continue to work with my contacts in the hopes of discovering further information.
AAAAAAAAAH! The spy has been caught! This is distressing, most distressing! Dr. Sinestra is a devious villainess…she has that evil laugh down to perfection! I hope the best for our spy. The good guys always prevail, but they sometimes have to go through some uncomfortable business first. Let's hope he escapes soon.
This is funny and helpful. But I know a few others. Like a paid betrayer or a betrayer who doesn't know they are betraying the hero till too late. But that's top secret I suppose.
Hannah – Indeed, yes. I do hope our spy proves every bit as resourceful as I have come to expect. But the dungeon at the Academy has long been considered inescapable…
Writer4Christ – Shh! Don't mention those! ;) You are quite right, though. Those are two noteworthy methods of hero trapping, and there are many more besides!
I can only suppose that Dr. Sinestra, knowing there was a spy on the loose and that the lecture was nothing more than an elaborate trap set for the spy, did not delve fully into the topic. It's such a massive topic, in any case, that it could hardly be condensed into a lecture hour!
Oh dear. Well, Gillian, if once you have obtained the necessary information regarding our spy, you find yourself in need of someone to "share in an adventure" as it were to rescue him, please do not hesitate to inform me. I shall be yours to command.
Ehehehe, your spy wasn't as foolproof as you expected! We warned you about this, oh authoress, we did! We even offered them some blatant escape opportunities, but none were taken!
Oh, and I wouldn't look to be getting your spy back any time soon. We're having far too much fun. Very educational fun.
One question I have is…how did this sensitive information get into your mailbox if the spy is in prison? Could it be that the villains themselves put it there?
Gillian, I advise you to study the lesson "How to Trap a Hero" carefully. It could easily be that the bad-guys are using the spy to bait you! I mean look at the message from Ms. Robson above! Taunts are a sure sign of the villains wanting you to make a mistake. If you have any hand in rescuing the spy, I advise caution. You could easily get caught and thrown in with your spy or get caught and find out the spy's already dead. And who, just who, would want that to happen?
I agree with Hannah! Please, be careful, and if you need any assistance, I'll be here.
Hannah – That is an excellent question and it has been troubling me. Perhaps the spy has escaped? But then, why not tell us that he is free? Or perhaps Dr. Sinestra is simply trying to lure us into a trap…
Rest assured. No rescue shall be attempted without due consideration. And then, I believe it is the villains who shall have cause to fear! ;)
Many thanks to all for the offers of assistance! I shall keep you all in mind.