TOP SECRET COMM. #10
FROM: THE SPY
TO: READERS OF THE BLOG
By the time, this reaches you, I’ll probably be dead. Not really … but more than likely. I’m smack dab in the middle of my next assigned. (No, can’t tell you what it is. Top secret, remember?) I’m deep undercover … really deep. And dark, too. Communication is only possible through homing bats—weird, I know. All I can say is it’s a harrowing world out here. Almost makes me wish for the relative safety of my time spent spying at the Academy of Ultimate Villainy.
You know it’s bad when a fellow gets nostalgic about three months spent studying villainous deeds under villainous professors, rooming with villainous students, and getting flunked for not cheating on villainous exams. Yeah. Go figure. Anyway, figured I’d send y’all the next lecture from Professor Hornbuckle’s class.
Hope you enjoy and learn lots of villainous little tricks so you can prepare your heroes to fight. That is why you’re reading this, right? Cause if I thought you authors were using these lectures to train your villainous characters, well, I might just up and quit.
The Spy, signing off.
Master-Minding Murder and Mayhem: A Villain’s Arsenal Part Two
Spy’s Note: Nineteen minutes and thirty seconds after class was supposed to begin, Professor Hornbuckle crashes through the door. A couple of students were already gathering up their things and preparing to leave. Before they can sit down again, guards appear and drag them away. Professor Hornbuckle doesn’t even wait for their pleas for mercy to die down before he begins.
The pop quiz will be at the end of class. We are continuing our discussion on the vast array of weapons in a sage villain’s arsenal and focusing on three main classes of weapon: force, intelligence, and subterfuge. Last week, we focused on weapons of force. Today we shall discuss, weapons of intelligence.
Weapons of Intelligence
A villain should not rely on force or strength alone to achieve his or her dastardly schemes. The second class of weapons in our deadly arsenal are of a somewhat more refined and intellectual sort … but no less dirty than the others.
To quote a rather modest and troubled young villain, “… in this splendid world of ours, information is currency.” (Top marks to the student who can recall to which villain that quote is attributed!)
Though he, sadly, was not a graduate of our nefarious institution, that in no way lessens the truth of his words. Indeed, he who holds the knowledge holds the power. There are many ways in which to gather, utilize, and disseminate information. We shall touch upon only a few.
Spies and Informants
Whether they be computer hackers, eavesdropping enchantments, or minions in disguise, spies and informants are a villain’s prime means of gathering information. Any spy ring should be multi-layered and vast, like a spider’s web. (Cliché, I know. Bear with me.) But while spies and informants are invaluable, they can also prove your greatest weakness. Rest assured that any man who is willing to sell you information is undoubtedly also willing to sell it to your enemies for an equal price. Spies and informants must thus be doubly expendable. Loose ends do not a strong spider web make.
Blackmail
Aside from using your knowledge of his affairs to foil your enemy again and again, blackmail is one of the most useful aspects of intellectual warfare. An army of minions and evil henchmen—excellent. A spy ring—top marks. A vast web of unconnected sleeper agents who appear to be ordinary people going about their ordinary lives, with no ties or connections to the criminal world, just waiting for the word to spring into action—brilliant! And that can be achieved through blackmail. Dig up the right bit of dirt on the right sort of people and the world will fall at your feet.
Frame Job
Most of the time we villains like to lay claim to our evil deeds—watching our rep and building cred and what not. But on occasion, there can be nothing more delightful than laying the blame for our reprehensible crimes on our enemies and watching their worlds crash and burn. All it takes is a little tidbit whispered here, a wad of cash inserted there, with a dash of forged evidence on the top, and voila, a masterpiece. Controlling information enables you to disseminate what you want to who you want in whatever form you want. Which brings us rather handily to our final point …
Control
In the end, information is all about control. Selectively spreading or withholding information or seeding misinformation will enable you to govern the actions of not only your minions but ordinary citizens and those desperate heroes as well.
For example, should your civilians comes under the notion that you are a tyrant, simply spread a little panic with rumor of upcoming threats, and they’ll buckle down beneath your tyrannical rule to keep the safety it provides. And that is just one tiny glimpse of the innumerable options that control of information provides you.
Always remember, a good villain should always have another secret … and the victor writes history.
Ah, that would be the bell. It appears we are out of time. Turn over the quizzes on your desks. I hope you brought a lot of pencils—you have a lot of writing to do and only ten minutes to make your next classes—and I don’t need to remind you that you don’t want to be late.
In our next lecture, we shall move on to weapons of subterfuge. For your homework assignment, you must read pages 17-37 in Unearthing Skeletons—A Blackguard’s Guide to Blackmailing, pages 78-113 in Spy Rings for Dummies, and chapters 7, 11, and 21 in The 10 Step Plan for Achieving World Domination. I expect a twelve page, single-spaced essay detailing the various instances in which the different aspects of intellectual warfare might be most effective by tomorrow morning. Seven minutes until your next class. I suggest you get to work on that quiz…
Whew, glad I’m not in Professor Hornbuckle’s class! Do you have any tips for the aspiring villain on how to go about choosing or using intellectual warfare? If so, share in the comments!
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Can I just say, I adore these posts? : D If you don't mind… could the spy do a presentation or group project on lady villains? I'm looking to kick-start my bloodthirsty galactic empire, but I'm not sure if I want to take the deceptively-sweet-but-really-evil approach or the disguise-my-real-gender approach. Thoughts?
I second this request!
Excellent idea! I'll have to see if the spy attended any lady villain classes. If not, I'm sure the spy would be willing to take a break from this current assignment and revisit the Academy in disguise!
Great post! A lot of my villains use a great many information-based tactics, so this is definitely very helpful.
Methinks, though, that Professor Hornblower left out a very major use of information: taunting/demoralizing the hero. Find out the hero's secret shame or fear or what-have-you, remind them of it (in varying degrees of subtly) every chance you get, and the resulting angst distracts the heroes from their true purpose. Do it really well and you can manipulate the hero into doing . . . not anything, but a lot of things. The tactic does have the annoying side-effect that the more you mention said thing, the more likely it is that the hero will force himself to get over it/improve so it's no longer a thing, but that's when you just find a new secret.
Yes, this is another terribly effective means of using intellectual warfare and controlling information!
One great example of this is in the third Batman Movie, The Dark Knight Rises, when Bane gets his hands on Commissioner Gordon's speech that tells the truth about Harvey Dent. Because Bane is the one who tells the people the truth (instead of Commissioner Gordon), he's able to put his own spin on it and twist public opinion to accept his version.
Thanks so much for this post. I'm currently plotting out an epic fantasy novel, and I'm trying to figure out what skills the villain has. I do know that my villain has control over a ton of spies.
Spies are always terribly useful! Having a vast spy ring enables your villain to stay one step ahead all of the time, increasing the odds for your heroes to fight against.
Intellectual warfare, ah yes. But I would have thought knowledge ought to be in there, eh?
For example, every villain should know their history to avoid making the mistakes past villains made.
Knowledge is power, and power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
(Um, all those history textbooks on my shelf are purely for writing and personal enjoyment.)
A knowledge of history is terribly important!
And it is also important to remember, as Professor Hornbuckle points out, that the victor frequently writes history, so once a villain defeats the hero and assumes kingdom or empire or world or intergalactic domination, he can always cast himself as the hero to mislead the future generations.
Outstanding post! Somehow I think there will either be lots of cheating on that quiz or lots of students hauled away for tardiness. LOL!
I think intimidation regarding the hero/heroine's friends and family is a good tactic, too. The hero will want to be noble, and threatening family members or friends makes him vulnerable. Perhaps that's addressed in weapons of subterfuge. Don't want to get ahead of the class. Extra work is not a villain's style!
Great job.
I think you're probably right about that!
Intimidation is a good tactic too. Some professors at the AUV suggest avoiding the cliched tactic of threatening the hero's girlfriend, but if it works, why not use it? Sometimes tried and true is best.
I love these posts!!
My villain's in my Fantasy defiantly need to read this. Control is a huge one for them, but they aren't as good as they think they are…
Thanks, Wild Horse! :) I'm glad you enjoy them.
Alas that I was never a graduate of this truly diabolical academy! I might be even greater in power than I am now. Yes, controlling information…I have learned just what to say and what not to. The king is not the great ruler the Acanthians imagine him to be – and soon I will reveal it…and reveal myself as the faithful advisor, the true protector of the realm…oh, it's just delicious. Your tips are so helpful…a real refresher course. Wait! I hope that the rebels aren't reading these as well…
~ Lord Khorazar
Lord Khorazar,
Welcome. You do sound like a most devious … I mean, devoted person. I am rather surprised to hear that you are not a graduate of the AUV. It sounds as though that school would have been a worthy alma mater to one of your cunning. Though perhaps there you might have learned the dangers of revealing your evil plan before it comes to fruition …
Sincerely,
The Spy
P.S. I'm afraid the rebels have read this post, thanks to an alert from yours truly. Best wishes!
BTW (Gillian here) Khorazar is a very cool name. :)
Thank you! I had fun coming up with it :)
Elizabeth
This was really fun! I'm a die-hard villain fan. After all; "Your protagonist will only be as good as your antagonist is."
Thanks for this post, I enjoyed it. :)
Great quote! Yes, villains are terribly important! A weak antagonist can ruin a good story just as quickly as a weak protagonist.
Glad you enjoyed!
This just better and better all the time—why do I not make time for these? Anyway, these are all great tools of the trade, and information really is the weapon of the hour in the villain's world. These are all great when executed properly, and even better when they're executed properly and the villain is bluffing. Sure, it's one thing to actually go to the trouble of torturing the victim's family, but entirely another to manipulate said victim without even having to lift a finger. It's the best.
I will NOT not read the next one for a long time. Top priority. Villains gotta pay attention.