I really wanted to come up with some sort of a witty title for this post, but in that regard wit unfortunately proved elusive. Still, there is something to be said for being straight to the point. Something of a rarity for me … but I digress. Writing that post about dragons—Fire Inside the Mountain—a few weeks back set me to thinking, especially once I discovered that Craigslist listing for a dragon slayer. Brilliant, wasn’t it? I couldn’t help imagining some of the crazy things you would see listed if internet ads existed in any of the fantasy realms. So I thought I would explore some of the options … 
Just smells of intrigue doesn’t it? I rather suspect a situation similar to that in The Ordinary Princess, where the King and Queen were so desperate to marry off their daughter, they actually discussed hiring a dragon to take her captive in the hopes that some dashing young prince would come rushing to the rescue and be forced to marry her! How about this one? 
Pretty sure I would have answered that advertisement. Not sure what that says about me though … 
Any educated guesses as to which fairy tale character might have placed this services advertisement? I guarantee you won’t want to hire this fellow. Turns out a “guarantee of future trade” is generally not such a good deal. We’re barely scraping the tip of the iceberg here! What are some fun fantasy/fairy tale advertisements you can think of?
Fire Inside the Mountain—Dragon Awareness Day
A Special Bulletin from the Warriors-in-Hero-Training School of the Round Table, issued via carrier tern from the desk of renowned Headmaster Sir Galgadin.
It has come to my knowledge that many among the so-called “learned” in the modern world have a dangerous tendency to scoff at “legends” of fire-breathing beasts. To this, I have but one thing to say: “Never laugh at live dragons.”
J.R.R Tolkien To which of course they would reply, “But there is no such thing as live dragons.” After which, they would burst into another fit of mocking laughter … right before perishing in a fiery blast. I do not intend to attempt changing mainstream views on dragons in general. Short of shoving a few dozen world-acclaimed so-called scholars into the dragon’s den, I cannot think of any way to convince them that dragons do in fact exist and have a sweet tooth for barbeque. (I hear slow smoked scholar is considered quite the delicacy in dragondom.) Instead, I shall let the wise speak for me. Brilliant scholars have been writing about dragons for quite a bit longer than my pen has been scratching a page. Perhaps their words—and not mine—shall help awaken this sleeping world to the knowledge of the peril it lives in. After all … “ … it is one thing to read about dragons and another to meet them.”
Ursula K. Le Guin, A Wizard of Earthsea Among the many scoffers, there are also many who think dragons are the easily-befuddled, easily-slain creatures of bedtime lore. Nothing could be further from the truth. They are cunning, powerful, devious, masters of deceit and treachery, and for all the fire burning within their chests, they are utterly cold hearted. “A dragon should never be engaged in conversation as they are inveterate liars and tricksters, though if you’re actually talking to a dragon, you’re pretty much toast anyway.”
John Stephens, The Fire Chronicle Toast? Not sure that’s quite a strong enough a word for it. Think barbeque. Seared steak. Shishkabob. And dragons unfortunately aren’t the sort of things you can ignore either. If one moves in nearby, you can expect death and destruction to follow in its wake, as notable dragon-scholar J.R.R Tolkien noted in The Hobbit. “It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.”
J.R.R. Tolkien So just what should one do if a dragon moves in nearby? There are many varying suggestions: Double check your life insurance policy … Head for a top secret bunker in the hills … Offer your livestock as sacrifices to appease the fiery beast … Or if all else fails, you can always send for a dragon slayer. This ad was discovered posted on craigslist. 
Any takers? In general, it is wise to remember that dragons are fearsome beasts … proud … arrogant … and with good reason. “My armor is like tenfold shields, my teeth are swords, my claws spears, the shock of my tail a thunderbolt, my wings a hurricane, and my breath death!”
“Smaug” J.R.R Tolkien, The Hobbit And yet even the fiercest dragons have a weak spot. “I have always understood,” said Bilbo in a frightened squeak, “that dragons were softer underneath, especially in the region of the—er—chest; but doubtless one so fortified has thought of that.”
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit Find the dragon’s weak spot and strike hard, my friend, lest you and your family be counted among the growing number of deaths attributed to dragon-related accidents every year. I should like to leave you with one final piece of dragonish wisdom. If at all possible … “Meddle not in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.”
Anonymous Sir Galgadin
Signing off Do you have a favorite dragon-ish quote? Share it in the comments!
Fantasy Reflections: Job Fair
Hear ye, hear ye! Gather ’round. All lads and lasses are hereby cordially invited to attend the fantasy job fair. Bring your resumes, unique (and sometimes remarkably strange) skill sets, weapons, and references. Oh, and don’t forget your sense of adventure. If there’s one thing fantasy occupations have in common, it’s that no matter how dull they seem at the start, adventure is always waiting just around the next corner. Today’s fantasy reflection question: 
For me, this was a bit of a no-brainer. Don’t get me wrong, there are scads of awesome, exciting fantasy occupations out there. Assistant Pig Keepers. Dragon Slayers. Chosen Ones. Ringbearers. (Actually, let’s not become one of those …) But for me, there’s no contest. I would want to be a Dunedain Ranger. Admittedly, it can be a bit of a thankless job at times. Few people were as misunderstood and mistrusted as the Rangers were in Eriador. Yet the very people who called them “Long-shanks” and “Strider” were still breathing free air because of the sacrifices made by the Rangers. *sigh* You just have to admit. They are pretty cool. Who wouldn’t want to be a ranger? How about you? What would be your chosen fantasy occupation? As always, free free to respond in the comments. You are also welcome to share this post on your blog, please just link back to my original post. Thanks! :)
Shattered Ice – A Short Story
For your reading enjoyment today, I’m pleased to offer a short story I wrote a few weeks back. I scribbled Shattered Ice in a flurry of wintry inspiration and entered it in Family Fiction’s short story contest: The Story 2014. (And then, being still inspired by said flurry of frosty fantastical funness, decided to create a mock cover for it. *grins* I never did claim any skill in the graphics design department, but it’s the best I can do.)
So if you enjoy Shattered Ice, do me a favor and give it a thumbs-up vote. And feel free to share the story with friends, neighbors, random acquaintances, yes and even your supervillain enemies, if you feel so inclined!
Ren’s eyes stare up at me. Pale blue like the arctic sky, but lifeless as the ice beneath my feet. Dead. My gaze wanders to the silver-fletched arrow piercing his heart. The arrow meant for me.
Numbness creeps up my arms, and the sword falls from my fingers, cleaving a bloodstained gash in the snow. Gray frosts my vision. A crimson river mars the pure white surface of the earth. My blood mingling with his.
Soldiers cluster around me, ragged and bloodstained, raising triumphant cries over the corpses littering the frozen plain.
I cannot join in. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. A victor cheated of victory. Revenge robbed of its sweetness.
The earth seems to tilt and I fall. Cold seeps into my heart
Even in death, must he steal all?
Follow this link to read the rest of the story and … if you like … cast your vote in favor of Shattered Ice: A Short Story.
Fantasy Reflections: Pack Your Bag, It’s Moving Day!
Here’s a Fantasy Reflection question to start off your morning.
If you could pick any fantasy world to live in, where would you move?
I always have a hard time answering these right off the bat. So I like to think of the question like coffee. You have to let it percolate for a bit, stewing in the back of your mind, until you can come up with an answer.
Now picking a fantasy world to visit wouldn’t be that tough. There’s scads of places I’d love to visit. But picking one to move to is a wee bit more difficult. So many pros and cons to consider. I mean, there’s usually some sort of major disturbance happening in the fantasy world at the time of the novel, so they’re not always the sort of place you’d want to move a family.
My first thought was the world of Roshar from Brandon Sanderson’s Way of Kings, since I’m reading it right now. It’s a fascinating world, really. Such a unique place, full of interesting people, and the magics of Surgebinding and Shardwielding. Until you get to the part where you discover it’s a world decimated by high storms with hints of a terrible devastation approaching.
Perhaps I’d better not move there.
I’m afraid my answer to this question will have to be a tie between Middle Earth and Narnia. I visited Middle Earth first of all and Narnia soon after, so for me, moving to either Middle Earth or Narnia would feel like returning home after a long absence.
Perhaps I’ll have a winter home in one and a vacation home in the other?
We’re dreaming, so anything is possible. :)
How about you? Where would you like to move most of all?
Answer in the comments! Or if you’d like, you can copy the picture to your blog and start the discussion over there as well. All I ask is that you link back to my blog in your post. Thanks! :)
Fantasy Reflections: Magical Objects
Time for another Fantasy Reflections post. I don’t know about you, but I had loads of fun with the last one.
Once again, you can answer in the comments. Feel free to chat back and forth. And if you’d like the continue the discussion over on your blog, you can copy the image and repost it. Please just link back to this original post.
Gracious me! This is another tough one. There are so many options to choose from … And I thought this question would be easy.
First to come to mind were the Silmarils from Tolkien’s Silmarillion. But owning them never turned out well for anyone. It tended to end tragically. And what do I need with shining gems, even if they do contain the light of the two trees …
Next I thought of Fflewddur Flam’s harp from the Chronicles of Prydain. Until I recalled the fact that I am a storyteller … and storytellers are prone to embellishing the facts. The harp and I might not get along so well. I’m afraid it would be one series of broken strings after another.
So at last, I settled on King Mendenbar’s Sword from The Enchanted Forest Chronicles. I have always loved the way his sword is connected to the threads of magic woven through the Enchanted Forest. Other than its tendency to occasionally “leak magic,” I think it’d be a pretty handy magical object to have around.
Best stop there before I can think up a dozen more answers. :)
How about you? What magical object would you choose?
