Villainy 101

Villainy 101: Master-Minding Murder and Mayhem—Weapons of Intelligence

January 27, 2015 by Gillian Bronte Adams 19 Comments

TOP SECRET COMM. #10
FROM: THE SPY
TO: READERS OF THE BLOG

By the time, this reaches you, I’ll probably be dead. Not really … but more than likely. I’m smack dab in the middle of my next assigned. (No, can’t tell you what it is. Top secret, remember?) I’m deep undercover … really deep. And dark, too. Communication is only possible through homing bats—weird, I know. All I can say is it’s a harrowing world out here. Almost makes me wish for the relative safety of my time spent spying at the Academy of Ultimate Villainy.

You know it’s bad when a fellow gets nostalgic about three months spent studying villainous deeds under villainous professors, rooming with villainous students, and getting flunked for not cheating on villainous exams. Yeah. Go figure. Anyway, figured I’d send y’all the next lecture from Professor Hornbuckle’s class.

Hope you enjoy and learn lots of villainous little tricks so you can prepare your heroes to fight. That is why you’re reading this, right? Cause if I thought you authors were using these lectures to train your villainous characters, well, I might just up and quit.

The Spy, signing off.

Master-Minding Murder and Mayhem: A Villain’s Arsenal Part Two

Spy’s Note: Nineteen minutes and thirty seconds after class was supposed to begin, Professor Hornbuckle crashes through the door. A couple of students were already gathering up their things and preparing to leave. Before they can sit down again, guards appear and drag them away. Professor Hornbuckle doesn’t even wait for their pleas for mercy to die down before he begins.

The pop quiz will be at the end of class. We are continuing our discussion on the vast array of weapons in a sage villain’s arsenal and focusing on three main classes of weapon: force, intelligence, and subterfuge. Last week, we focused on weapons of force. Today we shall discuss, weapons of intelligence.

Weapons of Intelligence

A villain should not rely on force or strength alone to achieve his or her dastardly schemes. The second class of weapons in our deadly arsenal are of a somewhat more refined and intellectual sort … but no less dirty than the others.

To quote a rather modest and troubled young villain, “… in this splendid world of ours, information is currency.” (Top marks to the student who can recall to which villain that quote is attributed!)

Though he, sadly, was not a graduate of our nefarious institution, that in no way lessens the truth of his words. Indeed, he who holds the knowledge holds the power. There are many ways in which to gather, utilize, and disseminate information. We shall touch upon only a few.

Spies and Informants

Whether they be computer hackers, eavesdropping enchantments, or minions in disguise, spies and informants are a villain’s prime means of gathering information. Any spy ring should be multi-layered and vast, like a spider’s web. (Cliché, I know. Bear with me.) But while spies and informants are invaluable, they can also prove your greatest weakness. Rest assured that any man who is willing to sell you information is undoubtedly also willing to sell it to your enemies for an equal price. Spies and informants must thus be doubly expendable. Loose ends do not a strong spider web make.

Blackmail

Aside from using your knowledge of his affairs to foil your enemy again and again, blackmail is one of the most useful aspects of intellectual warfare. An army of minions and evil henchmen—excellent. A spy ring—top marks. A vast web of unconnected sleeper agents who appear to be ordinary people going about their ordinary lives, with no ties or connections to the criminal world, just waiting for the word to spring into action—brilliant! And that can be achieved through blackmail. Dig up the right bit of dirt on the right sort of people and the world will fall at your feet.

Frame Job

Most of the time we villains like to lay claim to our evil deeds—watching our rep and building cred and what not. But on occasion, there can be nothing more delightful than laying the blame for our reprehensible crimes on our enemies and watching their worlds crash and burn. All it takes is a little tidbit whispered here, a wad of cash inserted there, with a dash of forged evidence on the top, and voila, a masterpiece. Controlling information enables you to disseminate what you want to who you want in whatever form you want. Which brings us rather handily to our final point …

Control

In the end, information is all about control. Selectively spreading or withholding information or seeding misinformation will enable you to govern the actions of not only your minions but ordinary citizens and those desperate heroes as well.

For example, should your civilians comes under the notion that you are a tyrant, simply spread a little panic with rumor of upcoming threats, and they’ll buckle down beneath your tyrannical rule to keep the safety it provides. And that is just one tiny glimpse of the innumerable options that control of information provides you.

Always remember, a good villain should always have another secret … and the victor writes history.

Ah, that would be the bell. It appears we are out of time. Turn over the quizzes on your desks. I hope you brought a lot of pencils—you have a lot of writing to do and only ten minutes to make your next classes—and I don’t need to remind you that you don’t want to be late.

In our next lecture, we shall move on to weapons of subterfuge. For your homework assignment, you must read pages 17-37 in Unearthing Skeletons—A Blackguard’s Guide to Blackmailing, pages 78-113 in Spy Rings for Dummies, and chapters 7, 11, and 21 in The 10 Step Plan for Achieving World Domination. I expect a twelve page, single-spaced essay detailing the various instances in which the different aspects of intellectual warfare might be most effective by tomorrow morning. Seven minutes until your next class. I suggest you get to work on that quiz…

Whew, glad I’m not in Professor Hornbuckle’s class! Do you have any tips for the aspiring villain on how to go about choosing or using intellectual warfare? If so, share in the comments!

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Villainy 101: Master-Minding Murder and Mayhem—A Villain’s Arsenal

January 15, 2015 by Gillian Bronte Adams 23 Comments

TOP SECRET COMM. #9
FROM: THE SPY
TO: READERS OF THE BLOG

Those of you who’ve been hanging around this blog for some time may be wondering where in the whole wide world I’ve got to these past several months. Last time I sent word, I had recently been captured by the sinister Dr. Sinestra and locked in the Filthy Dungeons of Doom and Gloom (yes, that is their actual title—creative, isn’t it?) deep below the Academy of Ultimate Villainy.

I can only imagine how you lot must have been worried sick, picturing me chained to a wall in the damp and dark, gnawing on hard crusts of bread, making friends with the rodents while slowly wasting away … To be honest, I was a prisoner for a grand total of one week before managing to pull off a brilliant escape (using techniques learned from the Warrior-in-Hero-Training School of the Round Table) and have been undercover ever since.

Due to the unfortunate end of my last spying gig, we decided it was best to keep my presence hidden until after I’d collected all the information we needed. A novel idea, right? So having just completed a semester posing as a student at the AUV, recording lectures, reading textbooks, and taking notes—and acing all my classes, I might add—I am pleased to send the following to you … and do hope you enjoy learning about weapons, arsenals, and other villainous stuff.

The Spy

P.S. Seriously … enjoy. Please? I could have died gathering this intel for you, so please put it to good use writing epic villains the like of which I will hope never to meet.

Master-Minding Murder and Mayhem: A Villain’s Arsenal

Professor Hornbuckle enters—a rather rotund fellow, mustachioed, spectacled, wearing a rumpled suit coat and tie and carrying a bulging briefcase. He poses beside the podium and breaks into a speech with a voice better suited to Shakespearian theatre than the classroom:

Weapons … weapons … glorious instruments of death! These the tools without which no villain can spread murder and mayhem. Without which no villain can cause death and destruction. Without which no villain can survive. But what use are tools if the hand is not skilled to use them?

When it comes to learning how to master-mind murder and mayhem, one must start at the beginning: with the weapon. There are countless weapons available in a villain’s arsenal, not to mention a host of things at his or her disposal which can be turned into a weapon at the snap of a finger. The weapons we shall discuss fall into three rather messy categories: weapons of force, intelligence, and subterfuge.

Today we shall focus on the first. I’m afraid you’ll have to attend class again—yes, boo hiss all you want—to catch the next lectures.

1. Weapons of Force

These are the sorts of weapons that everyone thinks of as weapons. Easy one, right? (Don’t worry, it won’t seem so easy on the test …) Swords. Hammers. Axes. Siege towers. Guns. Bombs. You name it. If it can strike hard and kill fast, it’s a weapon of force according to our definition. Now, I could spend hours talking about each type of weapon and breaking them down into further classifications—hand to hand, long range, weapons of mass destructions, etc.—but we really don’t have time for that in class. Don’t cheer yet though, that’s your homework assignment. Due before midnight. (Yes, I know, I’m evil.)

Today, we’re here to chat about the guiding principles when it comes to choosing and using a weapon of force, rather than the specifics:

Never Leave Home Without One

I don’t care if you’re the “keep your hands clean” type of villain. A savvy villain always keeps a forceful weapon near to hand – even if it’s nothing more than a pen knife. In our line of work, you never know when you’ll stumble across some crazy do-or-die hero. It’s always best to be prepared.

That said …

Anything Can Be a Weapon

Remotes, pillows, chewing gun wrappers, etc. The world is cluttered with potential weapons, and a skilled villain should know how to transform even the most seemingly innocuous items into a weapon if need should arrive.

While this is an invaluable skill to have, I do also recommend finding and settling upon a particular forceful weapon that fits your skills and needs as a villain.

Your Chosen Weapon of Force Should Be Distinctive

Your weapon is a part of your “brand” as a villain. Everyone remembers Captain Hook. And who could mistake the Grim Reaper for anything but? Or on the opposite side of the spectrum, where would Thor be without his hammer or Captain America without his shield? When you terrorize citizens, they should be able to recognize your handiwork by your weapon alone. This is yet another way you can stand out as a villain in a villain crowded world.

Bigger is Not Always Better

In pursuit of the distinctive, villains sometimes stumble into the absurd. Having the biggest weapon on the block does not make it the best weapon. If your weapon is bigger than you are, you will look absurd. If you cannot swing your weapon without stumbling, you will look absurd. And that, my dear little villains, is hardly the impression you want to leave.

It should go without saying that this is why a massive block of stone at the end of a long chain—memorable though it may be—is really a terrible weapon. Especially when fighting atop a frozen body of water. (Yes, Azog, I’m pointing at you.)

The only instance in which such a weapon could be employed would be if your opponent was chained the ground with no earthly chance of escaping your blow. If he is in any way mobile, for badness sake, ditch the boulder and choose a weapon that will allow you to move around too.

That concludes our lecture on weapons of force. We’ll move on to weapons of intelligence next class. For your assignment, study pages 7-83 in Weaponology for the Wicked. I expect all vocabulary memorized word for word and you’ll want to be prepared for a 70 question pop quiz (worth 10% of your grade) on weapon classifications next class. Have a very dismal day!

Do you have any tips for the aspiring villain on how to go about choosing or using a “weapon of force?” If so, share in the comments!

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The Villains We Love to Hate … And The Ones We Just Love

April 24, 2014 by Gillian Bronte Adams 12 Comments

Given the number of villainous post I’ve written, I feel I should start this one with a disclaimer: I actually am not obsessed with villains. Nor am I a super-villain in disguise. I rarely sport an evil laugh, nor do I have a secret lair where I practice mustache curling and cape twirling. My childhood aspirations never wandered so far as wild and dastardly schemes for world domination. What can I say? Guess I’m a low achiever.

Though I have no such lofty goals for myself, I do enjoy crafting devious plots for the villains in my novels. And the villains themselves … well, they are so much fun to write. Villains can run the gamut from the black cloaked, mustache twirling variety mentioned above … to the creatures of pure evil and darkness you find in many epic fantasies … to the conflicted villains you just can’t help feeling sorry for … to those twisted ones that are just plain horrifying.

I’ve experimented with these four different sorts of villains a good bit over the years. I won’t say one sort is better than the others. Each has its uses for different times and places. Nor is this an all-inclusive list. Not remotely. But I thought it worthwhile to give some favorite examples of these different common types of villains.

Mustache Twirler

Sometimes a story is all the better for a good, old fashioned mustache twirling baddie. The mustache twirler is all about style. He enjoys his nefarious reputation and intends to get the most out of it. He may be of average intelligence. Or he may be brilliant. Regardless, he’s a bad boy and he enjoys it.

“Every fairytale needs a good, old fashioned villain.”
– Moriarty, BBC’s Sherlock

Some “mustache twirling” villains that instantly spring to mind include:

Captain Hook
Captain Barbosa, Pirates of the Caribbean
Moriarty, BBC’s Sherlock (Though if he ever saw this post, he would undoubtedly resent being called a mustache twirler and put a kill-order out on my head.)

Obviously, the mustache twirler can tend toward the comedic, but he can also be plain scary. See Moriarty for a prime example. If you decide not to turn your main villain into a “mustache twirler,” this sort of villain also makes for a great evil henchman.

Pure Evil

You tend to see this type of villain more so in epic fantasy than anything else. The things at stake—the world, humanity, life as we know it—tend to attract the worst sorts of unfeeling, inhuman monsters. These villains have no regard for human life and tend to spill it cheaply. They are powerful and always seem to have the upper hand. There are few things more terrifying than a monster who just wants to see the world burn.

Some examples include:

The Dark Lord Sauron, The Lord of the Rings
Ruin, The Final Empire Series
Voldemort, Harry Potter
The Joker, The Dark Knight

Sympathetic

No matter how terrible this villain’s means, motives, goals, or actions may be, there is something about him we can understand. Some deeper longing we can relate to. Some terrible event in the past that causes us to sympathize. Some goal that still doesn’t justify the villain’s actions, but makes us understand how he could become what he is.

This villain believes he is in the right. Believes it so strongly that the hero—and maybe even the reader—may wonder. This villain sometimes even believes he is saving the world … and the hero, well, he just doesn’t have the guts to do what is necessary.

“Every villain is a hero in his own mind.”
– Tom Hiddleston

Some examples that spring to mind:

Loki (You knew I was going to mention him, didn’t you? He’s one of those villains we love to love.)
Javert, Les Miserables
Sadaes, Way of Kings and Words of Radiance

I’m currently writing one of these villains for my WIP, and even as I write him, I can’t help feeling sorry for him. In another sort of story, in another sort of world, he might have been a hero. Or at least your ordinary not-mass-murderer.

Twisted

*Shudder* These villains are just plain scary. They take the “sympathetic” side and turn it into something dark and twisted. There is still a “valid” reason behind everything they do. And it’s not just because they want to see the world burn or mankind destroyed. Sometimes like the sympathetic villain, the twisted villain might think they’re saving the world. Or at least accomplishing some higher, more worthy goal. But they don’t care how many bodies pile up along the way. They often take “mentally unstable” to the extreme. Nothing, no sense of right or wrong, no hint of conscience, is going to stop them from accomplishing what they desire. Examples?

Emperor Commodus, Gladiator
Colonel William Tavington, The Patriot
Taravangian, Words of Radiance

Maybe once upon a time you would have felt sorry for them. But now? Well, they’re the sort about which you can truthfully say:

“He’s not the kind you save. He’s the kind you stop.”
– Falcon, Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Do you have a favorite sort of villain? What are some other common “types” you can think of? Other examples of these types?

Villainy 101: Villains Are People Too

November 5, 2013 by Gillian Bronte Adams 17 Comments

How To Avoid a Protagonist-Centric Villain

Hello again. This is your friendly neighborhood Spy speaking.

In my extended stint as an unwelcome guest at the Academy of Ultimate Villainy, I met quite a few villains. Minor villains. Minions. Evil Henchmen. Super Villains. Criminal Masterminds. The works.

And if there’s one thing I learned, it’s that villains are not the mindless embodiment of evil that we think they are. At least not the good—bad?—ones. Villains are people too. Ever held a conversation with one? It’s not easy, I’ll admit. But once you can get past the typical shallow conversations about how magnificent they are, and who they’ve killed today, and their evil plans or hatred of the heroes, you’ll discover that villains are not so very different from you … though with different life plans and certain moral ambiguities.

Villains possess goals, motives, dreams, beliefs … just like anyone else. And their personal goals drive all of their actions.

A handbill printed by the Society for Villain’s Rights.

One common mistake among fledgling novelists is the tendency to make their villains protagonist-centric.What does that mean?

A protagonist-centric villain exists for no other purpose than to make life difficult for the hero/heroine. Their one aim in life is to stop/kill/humiliate/embarrass/torture the hero/heroine.

What is their motivation? Oh, just because they enjoy seeing the hero/heroine stopped/killed/humiliated/embarrassed/tortured/etc.

Can you see the problem here?

The villain is no longer acting for himself to get what he (or she) desires. The villain acts solely to provide opposition for the hero. He is not a person. He is a puppet dancing at the tip of the author’s pen.

The author who writes such a villain strips him of any life he might have possessed in and of himself, making him little more than a robot programmed to oppose the hero.

But, you ask, how does one avoid this?

So glad you asked.

In order to avoid a protagonist-centric villain, you must look at things from the villain’s point of view.

Tip 1: Answer the question why from the villain’s perspective.

Every writer’s favorite question is why. You must know why your protagonist makes the choice that allows them to embark on their heroic journey. You must know why they fail halfway through. You must know why they are able to succeed in the end.

But you almost must know why your villain does what he or she does. And when you ask yourself why, write your answer from the villain’s perspective.

For example, instead of replying: Villain wants to destroy the protagonist because the protagonist is trying to stop the villain from dominating the world in a reign of terror.

(Can you see how this is focused on the protagonist, instead of the villain?) Try writing: All Villain wants is power. A chance to unleash the evil genius that has always been neglected, ignored, looked down upon. The world will recognize his greatness … even if he has to force it on one person at a time at the tip of his sword. And no one is going to stand in his way.

Tip 2: Instead of looking at how the villain is getting in the protagonist’s way, try seeing how the protagonist is getting in the villain’s way.

Ever read a novel where the villain just seems to handily pop up from time to time, at just the right moment to foil the protagonist’s plan or issue some rarely-fulfilled threat? But you have no clue what the villain does the rest of the story? He just disappears whenever he’s not needed on stage. A puppet.

Don’t do that. When you outline, outline the story from the villain’s perspective. Know what the villain is trying to accomplish, and use his goals to thwart the protagonist. Know what the villain’s journey looks like. Know what the villain does when the protagonist is not around.

Which brings us to my final admonishment:

Tip 3: Get to know your villain.

Admittedly, it can be dangerous. Casual conversation with a villain usually is. But how else are you going to discover that your Dark Lord has an unnatural fear of spiders, likes cuddly kittens, and is allergic to blue cheese?

Quite a few of them are, actually.

Get to know your villain, know his deepest desires and his darkest fears, and your villain will no longer be protagonist-centric. He will possess a life of his own. Your very own Frankenstein.

I rest my case.

Tune in next time, for another lesson from the Spy and the Academy of Ultimate Villainy.

Villainy 101: Jail Breaks – What NOT to Do

October 29, 2013 by Gillian Bronte Adams 10 Comments

Well … I’m back.

And I’m still alive too.

Oh, you don’t know who I am?

That’s just the way I like it. I’m the Spy. I’ve spent the past several weeks … months … years—I don’t know really—locked up in a dungeon in the Academy of Ultimate Villainy. At last—long last—I’ve managed to escape and return to you.

As you might have expected, the Villains stole all my recent notes and recordings, but there’s one thing they couldn’t take.

The knowledge locked up inside my noggin.

After spending so much time in the company of so many Villains, I’ve got enough to write a bestseller … or at least help you write yours.

Today, I figured I’d talk about jail breaks and what not to do. And yes, I learned most of this through experience. Painful experience.

4 Things You Shouldn’t Do When Trying to Escape the Dungeons

1. Antagonize your guards

I’m sure you’ve all seen the movies. The hero gets captured and thrown into prison, but there’s just no getting this guy down! All the way, he’s throwing out those cutting quips and brilliant one liners that reveal the guards for the incompetent nincompoops that they are—and the guards just grunt and growl and slam the door in his face, maybe punch him in the stomach, but that’s about as far as they take it.

Yeah. Not true.

The guards may be incompetent nincompoops—we’ve already heard a lecture from Dr. Sinestra on the Proper Procedure for Hiring Evil Henchmen due to the fact that most villains do hire incompetent nincompoops—but they usually have a temper. A very bad temper.

It’s best not to get them angry.

2. Make a wild run for it

It pretty much always ends in failure. Before you can successfully break out of the dungeons, you need to have some idea of the lay of the land, which passages lead where, what time the guards come around, how many guards there are. The usual stuff.

Remember, there’s always a pattern. Depending on the security level, that pattern may take you an extremely long time to discover. But there’s always a pattern hidden somewhere. And if you find the openings in the pattern, you’ve taken a huge step toward breaking out.

If you ever get thrown into the dungeons at the Academy of Ultimate Villainy, know that you’re going to be stuck there for a long time before you find any sort of a pattern. They change their guards constantly, vary the routes, change the times that they bring you food—if they bring you food, that is—and do everything in their power to leave you confused, disoriented, and unaware of what is happening elsewhere.

It’s almost impossible without outside help.

Patience is the key to success.

3. Betray your fellow prisoners

Occasionally, the opportunity arises to communicate with your fellow prisoners and try to enlist their help in your escape. You’ll want to be very careful when you do this. A casual word to the wrong person … they rat you out to the guards … and presto … your escape plans are foiled for at least the next year.

And maximum security dungeons, like the AUV, tend to have at least one or two moles among the prisoners …

Yeah, I learned that the hard way.

Anyway, if you do manage to enlist the help of fellow prisoners, make sure you actually give them what you promised. And don’t promise anything you can’t or won’t give them. The last thing you want to do is betray the folks who help you.

Because if your escape goes wrong … and you wind up locked in the dungeon again … you’ll want some folks on your side.

Not angry prisoners you betrayed.

4. Leave the door open.

I know. It seems like a no-brainer. But you won’t believe how many jail breaks are foiled simply because the escapee couldn’t wait to taste the fresh air of freedom and forgot to close the door to his prison cell.

If you’re a guard, and you’re walking down a corridor, bored at the end of a long day of walking down corridors, and you see a cell door closed … chances are, you won’t take a second look.

But if you see a cell door open … well, that’s just the jolt of adrenaline you need to wake you up and send you running to sound the alarm and find the escapee.

Like I said, bad idea.

I don’t care how pressed you are for time … you always have time to close the cell door.

Hope that was helpful, folks! Be watching for more posts from the Academy of Ultimate Villainy.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to buy a hamburger … sweet juicy goodness with all the fixings … and fries. Lots of fries. My mouth’s watering just thinking about it.

Dungeon food leaves a lot to be desired.

The Spy, signing off

Villainy 101: How to Trap a Hero

April 15, 2013 by Gillian Bronte Adams 8 Comments

Editor’s Note: At long last, we have received word from our spy at the Academy of Ultimate Villainy! This recording showed up in my mailbox this morning. Unfortunately, I’m afraid it’s not exactly the good news we’ve all been waiting to hear…

TRANSCRIPT:

DR. SYLVIA SINESTRA: Today, we are discussing the most important thing you will learn while attending this Academy: How to Trap a Hero. There are many differing schools of thought upon this subject, but there is one rule upon which all the experts agree: The number one rule of hero trapping is to offer the hero something he cannot resist.

Villainy 101 - Hero Trapping

Every hero has a weak spot. Once you find out what that weak spot is, you can prey upon it, offer him the thing he most desires, and then snatch it from his grasp at the last moment and leave him in utter despair.

Obviously, depending upon the hero, this may take different forms. But there are three main types of heroes, and three tried and true methods of luring each sort of hero into a trap.

The Romantic Hero

This hero is dashing, passionate about whatever he has set his mind upon. To trap this hero, a Super-Villain cannot do better than to kidnap the hero’s girlfriend. Admittedly, this method has been employed so often as to become somewhat of a cliché, but if it works (and it assuredly does!) then why not use it?

The Idealistic Hero

This hero is the worst sort of hero there is. The hero who simply won’t give up, but will fight until the death, driven by belief in his/her mission. There are ways to exploit this hero’s weakness, however. Such a hero is inherently principled and self-sacrificial, and the capture of a score of hostages often proves sufficient to ensure this hero’s downfall. Grab copious amounts of innocent bystanders and force the hero into an exchange. Without fail, this sort of hero will offer his/her life for the release of the hostages.

The Clever Hero

And at last, we come to the intellectual, so-called brilliant hero driven by a need to display his or her cleverness to the world. With this hero, bait your trap with the promise of information. The number one rule when trapping the clever hero, is to make the hero believe they are trapping you or tricking you into giving something away. Make them comfortable, lull them into complacency, into thinking they control the situation. Then . . . you pounce …

Editor’s Note: I find this whole affair disturbing. How our spy could have been so careless as to have fallen into such an obvious trap escapes my comprehension! Given the recent lapse in communication, there is no way to know when this recording took place, how long the spy has been trapped in the dungeons, or even if the spy is still alive. I shall continue to work with my contacts in the hopes of discovering further information.